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It’s time for a wedding, and you know what that means. A feast, a fool and…MURDER! This episode pits savagery against integrity, and with so many sinister acts happening across the Seven Kingdoms, it seems the brutal War of the Five Kings is not quite over yet. In this episode, the “purple wedding”, as fans have dubbed it, put the internet in a 24-hour tizzy after the premiere, which is what good telly is all about, right? Let’s explore Westeros (spoilers ahead!).

The North

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We have a few stories happening in the North, but in this episode we only see Bran Stark and House Bolton. Bran has become quite a strong Warg, and he can easily enter into his direwolf’s body and travel with her across the land. His wildling companions (and Hodor!) know the power of the Warg and so they ask Bran to refrain from entering Summer until he is stronger and safe. When Bran’s direwolf finds a Godswood tree, Bran touches it and immediately has a vision of the three-eyed crow, the crypts of Winterfell, a Valyrian steel sword, fire, snow, the Godswood, the Iron Throne, the tower from whence he fell and King’s Landing, along with the words, “Look for me…North.” Bran tells his group that he knows where they need to go, and they continue on their long journey through the winter wood.

To the east at Dreadfort, the Boltons are a vicious clan and Theon Grayjoy, Iron born and traitor to his friend Rob Stark, is now a flayed man-slave of the sadist Ramsey Snow, bastard son of Roose Bolton. House Bolton takes credit for the gruesome Red Wedding and has been given the North territory by Tywin Lannister as recompense. Ramsey is bold, presumptuous and enjoys torturing his victims. He asks Theon to shave him while Roose watches on, and then proceeds to berate, anger and horrify Theon with the news that his father, Roose, has recently returned from putting a knife through Rob Stark’s heart. Theon also is forced to admit that he never really killed the Stark boys, and so Roose sends his best man (the same guy who cut off Jamie Lannister’s hand) to Castle Black to find the children. While Roose is a bit miffed his son dared participate in the Bolton tradition of flaying on a potentially valuable hostage, he is impressed when a broken Theon shaves Ramsey with a straight razor and doesn’t nick the man once, even as he is goaded on by Ramsey. Roose knows that when all the Starks are dead, the Boltons will have the North secured.  It is an act he is desperate for.

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It’s here, you guys.

Season 4 of Game of Thrones started last night and I am SUPER excited to pen these very spoiler-y recaps. I’m a huge fan of the books and the show has proved to be an excellent representation of the text in terms of detail and design, thanks to the involvement of GRRM in the script process. Without further ado, let’s explore Westeros, shall we?

King’s Landing

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In King’s Landing, Tywin Lannister has taken over the position of the King’s Hand from his son, Tyrion, and thus becomes the voice of reason for psychopathic and sadistic King Joffrey. While Jaime may be Tywin’s number one son, with only one hand, the knight of the Kingsguard has become a “glorified bodyguard” to his son/nephew, Joffrey. Tywin forges two swords out of what was once a sizeable Valyrian steel sword belonging to Ned Stark, gifting it to Jamie in the same breath as he asks his son to return to Casterly Rock and give up his place at court. For Jaime, this rejection, coupled with the spurning by his lover/sister Cersei, may cause him to gather up the remains of his own honor (of which he claims he has none left) and become a better man. So, when his 6-foot tall, bleached blonde conscious, Brienne of Tarth, reminds Jaime of the oath he made to Catelyn Stark to protect Sansa, the knight seems willing to use what is left of his power to defend the defenseless. Sansa Stark, former bride-to-be of shithead, jerk King Joffrey, is left in a dark place by all that has happened to her family (beheading, Red Wedding and other events that don’t rhyme) and could use a defender. She meets a man she saved from death on King Joffrey’s name day, Ser Dontos, who seems bent on getting in with Sansa in some way, seeing as he creeps around in the Godswood and tries very hard not to be seen. With both these knights on her side, Sansa might have a fighting chance, right? We hope??

The Time of the Doctor

Written by Steven Moffat

The Collective gals have been dreading this episode ever since the BBC’s announcement that Matt Smith was leaving Doctor Who back in June. For those of us who fell in love with Eleven fairly soon after he and his bumbling TARDIS crashed into Amelia Pond’s garden shed back in April 2010, the Timelord’s regeneration proved to be as emotional and as satisfying as we knew it would be. While I have enjoyed watching many different faces play the time traveling alien, Matt Smith was my Doctor. The Doctor with whom I began the journey through the time vortex and the one who sparked my interest in the wide Who-niverse of this brilliant television show. Matt Smith played Eleven as an ancient god; fierce and fun, sad and sweet, knowledgeable and knowingly forgetful all at the same time. He protected the innocent, never forgot a face and believed that everyone mattered. This is what led him to Trenzalore. (Spoilers ahead, sweetie!)

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S07xE15 (the 2013 Christmas special)

AKA Raggedy Man, Goodnight