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A few months ago, I asked my nephew what he wanted for Christmas. “I want the sonic screwdriver,” he said.

“Which one?” I replied. (At five years old, Jacob is one of the most prolific Whovians I know.)

“The Tenth Doctor’s. Cuz he’s the best.”

I ordered him a sonic screwdriver off Amazon the next day. Bam. Christmas shopping done. But then, I did a silly thing and left the screwdriver in a place where any five-year-old could find it: right next to the Wii. From my silly mistake spawned a wonderful idea that encompassed the gift giving for both Jacob and his mother: a Whovian Christmas.

Phase One: The Idea

The Collected Canadian had the idea, I must say. We were brainstorming gift ideas for Jacob’s mom, and the Collected Canadian said, “You know, I bet she’d love a Doctor Who-themed photoshoot. She’s always saying she needs pictures of all of us together.” Bam. There it was. We’d all dress up like Whovian characters and do a photoshoot. We all know how much I love my cosplay, right?

So, the casting:

  • Jacob as the Doctor
  • The Collected Canadian as the TARDIS
  • Moi (The Collectress) as Bad Wolf Girl (From “The Day of the Doctor”)
  • Jacob’s mom as Amelia Pond
  • Jacob’s mom’s boyfriend as Rory Williams

Phase Two: Putting the Pieces Together

Now came the hard part: putting it all together without my sister (and housemate!) knowing. We started small, by first implanting the idea of buying Jacob a Doctor outfit to go with his sonic screwdriver. We decided on the Eleventh Doctor, because Jacob really likes his fez. (Fezzes are cool, don’t ya know…)

I hope you dirty birdies are at home or on the incognito page of your work computer, because some of these fics will make you feel all wibbley-wobbley inside and the artwork is lovely! Since I started watching Doctor Who and reading fanfic around the same time, this ship pairing happens to be my het OTP and the first ship I ever boarded. I love the chemistry between River and Eleven, mostly because River is a sexpot and the Doctor looks like he could use a good wank every once in a while. Oh myyyyyyyy…

All that UST has to become RT sometime, right?
All that unresolved sexual tension has to become resolved sexual tension sometime, right?

For those of our readers who follow my weekly fanfiction recs, you may have noticed that I’m been a bit remiss in my recs for the past month or so. I can explain in two words: Terminal Decay. Five weeks ago, I made it my mission to finish reading this fic by the airing of “The Day of the Doctor.” I’m still not finished.

Terminal Decay” by unslinky is a monstrous fic. I don’t mean that it’s horrid and large and ugly like a kraken, but rather, it’s HUGE. Don’t believe me? Well, take a look at this…

terminal decay screenshot

Yes, it really does say 1002 chapters and 3,065,944 words.

Or to put it another way, since I’ve been reading for 5 weeks that’s:

  • 28 chapters per day (if I had finished…which I haven’t quite)
  • over 80,000 words read per day (about 160 pages)
  • If you account that the typical single-spaced page is about 500 words, that’s 6,132 pages.

To put that into even more perspective:

  • the Harry Potter series is 1,084, 170 words, so reading “Terminal Decay” is like reading the HP series 3 times.
  • the Guinness world record holder for longest novel is A le recherche du temps perdu by Marcel Proust. The novel is 1,267,069 words. “Terminal Decay” is almost 2.5 times that length.

Can you blame me for not quite finishing in time for this rec? I’m on chapter 800, with almost a million words to go before I reach the conclusion.

So why put myself through this? Why read almost an entire novel every day just to rec one fic?

Well, if you’ve read any of my previous DW fic recs, you would probably remember my bitching about the lack of quality Whovian fanfiction.  Even though I’m fairly good at sussing out good fics, I had to turn to my fairy fanfic godmother for help with the DW fandom. “Terminal Decay” was her #1 rec, and boy, I had no idea what I was getting into. So, my Whovian friends, if you want a fic that’s more like an odyssey, then this one’s for you.

Donna Noble in 'The Fires of Pompeii".
Donna Noble in ‘The Fires of Pompeii”.

1) She is besties with Ten AND doesn’t want him romantically.

As we’ve already discussed, there’s nothing less appealing in a companion than an unrequited crush on the Doctor. Donna let’s us know from the very beginning that she isn’t interested in “mating” with her alien boy. The relationship they have is completely platonic and the Doctor is better for it. When he loses his best friend at the end of series 4, that’s when the Doctor becomes the creepy Timelord Victorious, and we all know what that leads to.

2) She’s the most awesome temp in Chiswick.

Shorthand, filing, and at least 100 words per minute. Donna’s secretarial skills not only get her a high profile secretary gig in London, but help the Doctor discern why the planets have disappeared in S04E12&13 and she figures out a pretty complicated numbering system of an alien race S04E06. Even though it hurts when the Doctor tells her she isn’t “special” when he first meets Donna, we know, by the end of their time together, he definitely feels differently.