By The Nerdling
A local sports radio show I love got me watching the TV show Entourage not too long ago. Long story short, they make lots of references to the series (mostly making fun of it) and it had me interested. I never really had a desire to watch Entourage back when it was airing on HBO mostly because it seemed very bro down esc. I was right, the show is very much about the benefits of being a guy. But what makes it funny is the ludicrousness of Hollywood. The show’s genius moments are when the show is being at its most absurd. It probably does not compare to the realities of how ridiculous Hollywood really can be.
The fake movies and TV shows used to drive Entourage’s plot and re-watching In & Out recently had me thinking about the various fake movies we see in real movies. Some of them are completely outlandish, but some of them look better than the movie we are actually watching. I just want to take a moment and send my Christmas wish list early to Santa and hope that maybe he will help get some of these fake movies made. Hey, it could happen! Machete got made and it also got a sequel.
Side note: “To Serve and Protect” from In & Out is not on the list. The “movie” seems really out dated. Now if they re-told the story featuring a transgendered person, then that would be interesting. Just don’t let it star Scarlett Johansson.
“Aquaman” from Entourage
I’m not really a big James Cameron fan. I think his last good movie was True Lies (yes, I did like Titanic when it first came out, but I was 15 at the time and insanity does apply in that instance). He does know how to make a really good looking, well-paced action movie, but his last few outings were lacking in character development and story.
The idea of him taking on a character as polarizing as Aquaman would be interesting. A James Cameron comic book movie would be pretty good as long as he was tackling a character who is bland already. The action and effects he is good at filming would easily be center stage. Superman is the first one to really cross my mind as a good character for a Cameron movie. Here is hoping James Wan will be as good in 2018 as the pretend one in Entourage. In the TV show, we only see a half-scene before the power goes out in the theater, but it did look good.
“McBain” from The Simpsons
Please someone go and beg Matt Groening, James L. Brooks, and Sam Simon to make this wonderful cartoon movie spoofing the movies of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jean-Claude Van Damme. A little bonus for you, if you put together all of the little snippets from the show, it does become a short film. Thankfully, various helpful YouTubers have done that for us.
“MoonQuake Lake” from Annie
I didn’t see Annie, but I did see this trailer was all over the internet when the remake was released and it sounds balls-out-crazy-wonderful. Mila Kunis crying glowy tears. Ashton Kutcher pledging to catch her if she were to fall off the moon. Rhiana as some kind of leader of the moon people. Sony needs to get on this!
“Don’t” from Grindhouse
An Edgar Wright horror/slasher movie. Do I need to say more?
“Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season” from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Unpopular Opinion Alert! Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was greatness! It was a hilarious parody of the minor characters from Kevin Smith’s other movies and it was also a giant “f-you” to those who didn’t like him.
The Academy Award Winning sequel in the movie was a middle finger aimed at producers who don’t understand what made a movie was so successful in the first place. So, they greenlight a sequel focusing on something minor and stupid. We are looking at you Ocean’s Twelve, Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows, Speed 2: Cruise Control, and Highlander 2: The Quickening. The premise of Good Will Hunting 2 is so outlandish, it becomes funny as hell and a cult classic in the making.
“Angels with Filthy Souls” from Home Alone
I’m going to confess that I had no clue that this was not a real movie up until about a few years ago. It looked like an awesomely gritty gangster movie reminiscent of the 30’s and 40’s such as White Heat, the original Scarface, and The Public Enemy. The title was a play on the classic Angels with Dirty Faces which is why a part of me did think it was real. And of course there was the sequel in the sequel, Angels with Even Filthier Souls.
All the movies featured in Tropic Thunder
“Satan’s Alley” was an obvious parody of overacted, overblown, Oscar grubbing trash we see every September thru January. “The Fatties: Fart 2” is a parody of Eddie Murphy series remake of the classic Jerry Lewis vehicle The Nutty Professor. “Scorcher 6” pretty much looked like every over played action franchise in existence. “Simple Jack” was the movie made to warn every actor about not going full retard *cough* Sean Penn *cough*. And of course the movie “Tropic Thunder” that looked like a perfect spoof of Apocalypse Now and Platoon. As long as these movies are made in the same spirit as the trailers were done, they would be perfect cult classics.
Any fake movies within movies I missed that you want to see? Let me know in the comments section.
The Nerdling was born in the majestic land known as Texas and currently resides there after several years of journeying through Middle Earth in a failed attempt to steal the one Ring from that annoying hobbit, serving the Galactic Empire for a time, and then a short stint as a crew member on the Serenity. Since moving back to her homeland, Nerdling flirted with a hero reputation. Saving children from the dangers of adoring domineering, sparkly vampires (champions with souls are the only vampires worth loving) and teaching normals the value of nerdom, all while rooting for her beloved Dallas Stars. Then came the Sokovia Accords and her short spell of saving others came to an end. With Darth Vader’s reputation rightfully returning to badass status, Nerdling is making her way back to the Empire. They do have cookies, you know. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram.