It’s done. It’s over. True Blood is no more. My previous rant on the characterization of Sookie has pretty much summed up my feelings on the final season of the vampire soap opera, so here is where the finale has left our beloved citizens of Bon Temps.

• Adilyn Bellefleur: Alive. Fairy. Presumably still boinking her step-brother.
• Andy Bellefleur: Alive. Engaged to Holly Cleary. Father of one fairy daughter.
• Arlene Bellefleur: Alive. Owner of Bellefleur’s (formerly Merlotte’s). In a relationship with Keith the vampire.
• Willa Burrell: Alive. Not that anyone cares.
• Holly Cleary: Alive. Engaged to Andy Bellefleur.
• Maxine Fortenberry: Deceased.
• Ginger: Alive. Finally had sex with Eric Northman.
• Alcide Herveux: Deceased.
• Sam Merlotte: Alive. No longer a resident of Bon Temps.
• Sarah Newlin: Alive. Current occupation: vampire sippy cup.
• Steve Newlin: Deceased. Currently residing in his ex-wife’s hallucinations.
• LaFayette Reynolds: Alive. Dating Jess’s vampy ex.
• Lettie Mae Thornton: Alive.
• Tara Thornton:  Deceased.
• Violet: Deceased.

 

Is it cold of me to list statistics for an ensemble cast and not give you the closure that the characters deserve? Probably, but don’t blame me. The list above are the characters who didn’t appear or appeared in short duration in Sunday’s finale episode.

Sorry, secondary characters, you met the True Death before the show did.

So what about those characters who did appear in last night’s episode? Did they get satisfactory endings?

Yes and no.

First up, Jason Stackhouse.

I have greatly enjoyed Jason’s transformation from small town womanizer to southern gentleman. He’s not the brightest light bulb in the bunch, but he’s honest and we’ve seen him grown into a man that people respect. In the weirdest love-switching-triangle ever, he ends up with Hoyt’s ex-girlfriend, Bridget.

That’s right, Jason Stackhouse is now a family man. He carries diaper bags and everything.

Jessica Hamby and Hoyt Fortenberry

Yep, that’s exactly what it looks like: a Hamby-Fortenberry wedding. “Wait,” you say, “Didn’t Hoyt lose his memory of Jessica and thinks he met her two days ago?” Why, yes, dear reader, that is correct. For Hoyt, he did, in fact, marry a vampire that he met two days before, and he did so about twelve hours after breaking up with Bridget, who is now being comforted by Jason Stackhouse‘s penis.

Ok, I’m not a romantic (if it weren’t obvious), and I know that Jess and Hoyt married to fulfill a final wish from a dying Bill Compton, but seriously. As a writer, I’m deeply offended by the seeming lack of respect for timelines and pacing. Nevermind that I don’t ship Jessica and Hoyt, and nevermind that this is fiction and therefore anything can happen–connecting with your audience/reader requires you to make them suspend their disbelief, to make them believe that the impossible can happen. Jessica broke up with James, had sex with Jason, and married Hoyt in the span of one week. Hear that? That’s the sound of my disbelief guffawing.

Yup. No more Yakuza. Threat to Sookie is diminished. And that, we are led to believe, is the last time Eric sees Sookie.

This season has established 2 things about Eric’s character: 1. revenge is something worth living for and 2. there isn’t much he won’t do for Sookie. By killing the Yakuza and disposing of the bodies, he’s protected Sookie, again, and if we remember his conversation with Bill in episode 9, we can assume that he too is following Bill’s last wishes and leaving Sookie to live her own life.

Does that sound like Eric Northman to you? Is Eric the kind of vampire to give up something he really, really wants?

On the upside, Eric and Pam become filthy rich from “New Blood” and use Sarah Newlin as a blood-lunchbox for the rest of her days.

Sookie Stackhouse and Bill Compton

The majority of the finale’s tension is derived from the last request Bill makes of Sookie: Bill asks her to use her light to end his life. He tells her that it will free her of both himself and her fae nature, allowing her to be truly free for the first time. He says he wants her to live a long life with marriage and children–things that she can’t have with him. Now as I said in my prior post, it’s very noble of Bill to want these things for Sookie, but to make the choice for her is depriving her of her autonomy.

This was my biggest problem with the True Blood finale: everyone essentially did exactly what Bill Compton wanted because he was dying. It’s tragically romantic, I suppose, but only to a point. Sookie spends most of “Thank You” deciding whether or not to use her light up and become “normal.”

In the end, she doesn’t use her light for Bill, because she realizes that it’s part of who she is, and she won’t give up herself for anybody. [insert me frantically cheering] She does kill him, though, and the most gut-wrenching part of the episode was accompanied by me yelling at the tv, “Don’t straddle him while you stake him, Sookie!”

And thus ended one of the most unhealthy relationships in the history of soap operas, but I was too busy munching on lettuce wraps to care.  As I munched, I realized that the problem with the final season(s) wasn’t the characters, but the writing. They had the pieces to create a compelling and entertaining story, but the writers tried to do everything and focused on nothing.

I take that back. They focused on nothing except Bill. Who was the most developed character in season 7? Yeah, ponder that.

Yup, that’s the final scene. Four years later, Sookie is pregnant and married to a faceless man, just like Bill wanted.

It’s like the end of a fucking Nicholas Sparks novel.

I loved True Blood, but the finale left me asking, “What about what Sookie wanted?”

Not so true to the end,

-The Collectress

Come rant with me on twitter @dearcollectress