Title: looking at you looking at me (sometimes it lasted love, but sometimes it hurts instead)
Word Count: 7600
I don’t even know how to describe this one…but I’ve seen it described as the Merlin fandom’s “Alone on the Water.” Set in a modern AU, Merlin is a ghost, and Arthur has a hard time letting go of his dead lover’s memory.
Not going to lie to you: this one hurts. It hurts in that way only our fandoms can make us hurt.
So yeah, angst like whoa. Every once in a while, when I need a good cry, I go back to my list of the angstiest angst I’ve ever encountered. This is one of those fics, and yeah, it opens up a cavern in my soul every time I read it, but sometimes you just need to cry, you know? Read this snippet and see if you don’t agree:
And it hurt. Merlin didn’t know how it could hurt, but it did. It burned him, burned from the inside out, the things Merlin could no longer give Arthur. Merlin knew he had forgotten a lot of things — and crudely he likened his memory to cheese, more holes than substance — but the one thing he never forgot was that absolute certainty that he wanted to stay with Arthur always, forever.
Read it if you need angst.