True Blood: The Sh*t Hit the Fan

If you haven’t yet watched last night’s episode of True Blood, turn away now, because here there be spoilers. (And now ye be warned).

Personally, this season has me angsty and yelling at my television screen. Occasionally, I throw things at it (mostly popcorn…I wouldn’t really damage my entertainment lifeline…). Last night, though, Truebies learned some important shit:

1. Ben (Sookie’s mysterious new suitor) is a fairy vampire. No, not in the Twihard sense. He is a legit vampire, which we discover when he gives Jason some of his blood. SIDENOTE: I’ve really missed Jason’s V fantasies…and last night’s was pretty damn hot.

And the ovaries went BOOM.

2. Ben the Fairy Vampire is Macklyn Warlow–AKA the most badassest villain we’ve seen so far. He’s a vampire that can walk in the light, AND he’s the only vampire that can kill Billith. AND he’s a love interest of Sookie’s. I see a blood god/fairy vampire smackdown in the imminent future (crossing my fingers that oil wrestling will be involved…)

3. Jessica is no longer the cute baby vamp. Jessica is just as bloodlusty as her vamp daddy, which probably means that the Jessica/Jason ship has sailed (I’m gonna miss that one).

4. Eric is Dracula.

Centuries-old vampire seduces and turns young virginal girl in white nightgown…I’m just waiting on the Transylvanian accent now.

5. Alcide is now Packmaster Douchebag. Runner-up: Sam Merlotte. Alcide has no qualms about hunting down a little girl and a wounded woman, but Sam has no problems seducing said wounded woman with the daughter of his very recently deceased girlfriend sleeping just a few yards away.

Alcide, go back to the stripper pole. Sam, go back to bartending. Douchebag-hood suits neither of you.

Last night’s episode showed us that NO ONE is safe in Louisiana. Well, maybe LaFayette, but that’s only because Sam is being a stupid prick and won’t accept his help. Although last night’s episode set up a lot of plot tension for the remainder of the season, I was easily bored with all the side stories. Who gives a flying rat’s ass about Sam’s rebound or Eric’s inability to keep his fangs to himself? Give me Billith. Evil Bill is pretty damn awesome.

Now for the six-day Fangover until the next episode.

Neither did we, LaFayette. Neither did we.

-The Collectress

**Disclaimer: I do not own, nor claim to own, any of these images. True Blood belongs to HBO; if any of these edits are your original work, please notify us so that we may give credit where credit is due.**