True Blood S6 Promises Death…Lots of Death

On this season of True Blood…expect many characters to die. I have this nagging instinct that in season 6, no one (except maybe Sookie) is safe from the writers’ merciless hands, hands that are gripping stakes, ultraviolet bullets, and silver axes. We’re three episodes into the new season and so far no one has died yet. No one. Well, not unless you count the annoying snots who were “shifters’ rights activists” and tried to secretly record werewolves to further their political agenda (really, they deserved to die if they assumed that werewolves don’t care a lick about their privacy).

Cuz it’s always a good idea to piss off a wolf.

But Vampire Bill has seen the future, and in that future he sees many of his vampire friends (his progeny, as he so creepily refers to them) meet the sun. But after last night’s episode, it becomes apparent that not only vampires are in danger of meeting the true death. Having stayed awake most of the night pondering possible plotlines for the remainder of the season, I now have some theories about who will live and who will die.

SAFE.

It’s a safe bet that Ms. Stackhouse will survive because she is the leading lady. These writers don’t seem to have the sense of sadism that Moffat (*shakes fist*) over at BBC uses all too often. In fact, Sookie’s probably the only who who’s truly safe from getting cut out of the show.

Terry and Arlene Bellefleur

These two exist to prove that there are still normal humans in the town of Bon Temps. Killing them would be killing the last link to humanity.And, they’re frickin adorable. Verdict: likely, they are safe.

Tara, Vampire Bitch Extraordinaire

Unfortunately, Tara never seems to fucking die. She’s been on the brink of death several times over the past seasons  (and the writers cruelly got my hopes up only to smash them into eighteen million pieces), and she keeps coming back. Like a cockroach. Why she’s still around except to annoy the fuck out of viewers, I don’t know. Verdict: safe (unfortunately).

Pam. Most famous for handling all the “blah blah vampire emergency blah” situations.

Pam is fucking awesome. Of course she’ll live. Next.

LaFayette

Bitch, please.

VERDICT: FABULOUSLY SAFE.

Jason Stackhouse. Poster boy for “cute but stupid.”

After last night’s episode, I truly don’t know the fate of Sookie’s brother. Something is wrong with his head (well, more than normal). It could be as simple as a mild concussion or maybe the show’s new producer is going to kill him off with something spectacularly non-supernatural like brain cancer. Verdict: Being Sookie’s brother may not be enough to keep him alive this time. Get your ass to a doctor, Jason.

Sam Merlotte, the most adorable puppy you’ll ever meet

Seems like everybody around Sam keeps dying. His parents, his brother, his girlfriend, his ex-girlfriends, his employees…I hope he’s not next. Verdict: Could be/might be safe.

“You’re welcome.” -God

Alcide’s hot body may not make up for the crazy bitches that are in his pack. For someone who wanted to stay out of werewolf politics, he seems to enjoy the “perks” of being packmaster, BUT it seems like someone may not be content just being his bottom bitch. Verdict: Alcide, watch yo sexy ass.

Jessica Hamby

Bon Temps’s cutest little baby vamp is showing some serious daddy issues this season…which probably isn’t a good thing considering her vampire papa is Louisiana’s newest blood god, Billith. AND we have already seen a vision of Jess meeting the sun. Verdict: Invest in some high SPF sunscreen, Honey Boo Boo, because morning’s coming.

Why are you here, Norah?

Don’t like her. Don’t care what happens to her. Hope she dies. Verdict: don’t really fuckin care.

Andy Bellefleur, Nappy Changer

Since he became papa to four little fairy girls, I’m thinking that this town sheriff might be nearing his expiration date. Fairy blood is like cocaine for vampires, and as adorkable as Andy is, I’m not sure he can fight off slews of ravenous vampires to protect his children. Verdict: Andy, I suggest moving to a place that has sunshine 20 hours a day. Like Alaska.

Eric Northman: Tall, Blond, and Undead

IF ERIC DIES, WE RIOT. DO YOU HEAR ME, MERCILESS WRITERS OF TRUE BLOOD? WE WILL TAKE TO THE STREETS AND PILLAGE YOUR HOUSES AND EAT YOUR SOULS. TAKE NOT THE NORTHMAN.

Verdict: Eric will be safe and sound…in my bed.

Our Favorite Blood God: Billith

Last night’s episode proved that the Blood God still has one weakness: sunlight. Is this a foreshadowing of a vampire-barbecue-to-come? We also learned that Warlow may be the one vampire who can kill him. Personally, Billith is growing on me, and now that Mr. Compton is finally interesting, I would really like him to stick around for a bit and wreak some more destruction. He’s not the chaotic evil that Russell Edgington was, but Bill’s god complex is proving to be my favorite story line of the summer. Verdict: Will quite possibly be shish-kebobbed in the finale, but can a blood god stay dead?

What are your predictions for this season? Who do you think will meet the True Death?

-The Collectress

**DISCLAIMER**I do not own, nor claim to own, any photos contained herein. If one of these is your original work, please let us know so that we may give credit where credit is due. 

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